Relationships have their ups and downs, and are sometimes fraught with challenges.
Dating, “live in” relationship and marriage are usually the phases that couples go through when they are involved in a long-term relationship, but sometimes conflicts may arise that dent the fabric of the association.
Break ups are a result of unsolvable differences and misunderstandings in a relationship. Sometimes it’s just inevitable to bring a relationship to its end.
Break-ups are emotionally draining
Breaking up is an emotionally draining experience, even while dating, for both the parties involved.
Emotional pain, stress, and trauma, is worse than physical pain they say, and it’s truer in the case of a break off especially for the person being dumped (a very crude expression).
So how do I break up with someone gently? The answer is that it’s usually never possible to break up gently. The whole process is fraught with a lot of emotional pain and loneliness. All you can do is try to reduce it in the best possible manner.
What’s the best way to break-up with your boyfriend?
If you are planning on a break off you should take every measure to make it as smooth for your ex-partner as possible; there’s enough pain and suffering on this planet already.
In this article we will specify the best way to break up with someone or rather the smoothest way to break off.
Here are the steps to follow:
1. Be very clear about why you are breaking up
First of all take the time to introspect long and hard, determine if you really want to end the relationship forever.
Try to write down your feelings and specify the reasons why you want to break off.
If somewhere deep inside there is still love for your partner then chuck the idea of breaking off and consider talking out your problems with your boyfriend.
Girls and guys, during the dating process, are not very close and break up at that point is not as painful as a break up during the later stage of a relationship, when the couple get emotionally bonded to each other. In any case break up before marriage is far less stressful than after.
Only when you are totally clear in your mind about wanting to break off, and can envision a life without your current partner, should you move to next step.
2. Start the “break up” process by distancing yourself
The best way to break up with someone is through making small changes in the direction of a final break off.
A simple bit of advice is that you cannot have the pretense of a normal relationship going on only to throw the bomb shell of a break up suddenly – it doesn’t work that way, especially if you are planning on breaking up gently.
So start by reducing the intimacy in your relationship by cutting out on the time you spend with your boyfriend.
If there is no more feeling left, its sheer cruelty to make pretense at love. Keep a cold front so that your partner can sense the distance.
3. Initiate hints about your plans of breaking up
You will have to start throwing hints about your desire to break up. You can also initiate talk about how the relationship has stopped working for you and your need to spend time alone.
For all you know, your partner might feel the same and you might even agree on a mutual break up making it comfortable for both of you.
If your partner is sensitive to your feelings then, by now, he/she will sense that you want to break off. There are prone to be several questions and this is the right time to specify your reasons for thinking of wanting to move away.
The most difficult part of dating, and relationships in general, is the communication aspect. You don’t have to deliver the final blow yet, but these conversations will act as a foundation on which you can finally break off.
A sudden jolt is far more stressful than when you wean your partner off by slowly communicating the differences that are causing you to move in a new direction.
Realize that some people are not good at taking hints. Even when you are distancing yourself, your boyfriend might lack to empathy to understand it.
4. Be clear why you want to break-up with him
There could be various reasons why you want to break-up with your boyfriend but you need to tone it down to your number one reason. Find out the major reason you want to end your relationship and use that when you have the final talk.
Giving him too many reasons will weaken your argument while toning it down to that one major reason can make things a lot easier.
5. Deliver the final talk
If you have followed the above steps there is a possibility that a final talk may just be a formality to be completed – try to ensure that it’s this way because there is nothing worse than the delivering a sudden shock.
Follow these tips while having the final talk:
- The final break up should always be done in person and never over phone, email or SMS.
- Make sure you are at your partner’s house, or in some private place, when you have this talk as there is a possibility of an emotional outburst.
- Be as gentle and distant as possible. Getting too involved in the emotional heat of the situation might leave you both disturbed.
- Answer all the questions with complete honesty and make your reasons clear.
- There is a possibility of accusations and even threats from your partner. Take it calmly, for it might just be an outburst. Make sure you stay detached.
- Don’t leave your partner alone after the break off, especially if they are emotionally unstable. Call a mutual friend over to help out if needed.
- The message should be very clear that you want to break off and that there will be no change of plans. If you stand firm on your decision your partner will soon accept the situation on its face value, don’t allow for any confusion regarding the possibility of a patch up.
What to do after you break up with your boyfriend?
It’s best to allow time to take care of the raw wounds. Break ups happen and people deal with it. Some people take longer than others, but eventually everyone comes to terms with it.
There are many avenues of stress relief available if you would just relax enough to consider them. The best thing to do is to keep yourself away from additional stress in the form of your work, finance or health.
Let your mind shake off the emotional baggage, the more you rest the faster the healing is.
Just take a break from life for a while.
A few other things to consider
A few others things, you can do, to help things along are as follows:
- Avoid running into your ex or communicating with him/her, this will help your ex get over the initial hang up of missing your presence.
- Keep yourself busy or take a vacation.
- Change your mobile number in case your ex keeps calling you.
The best way to break up with someone is by reducing their pain and suffering as much as possible. You cannot break off with your boyfriend without causing him some emotional anguish, but don’t feel guilty about it – it’s for the best.